Parenting Lessons from the Priests
鈥淪peak to Aaron and his sons: Thus shall you bless the people of Israel. Say to them: 鈥楾he LORD bless you and protect you! The LORD deal kindly and graciously with you! The LORD bestow the Lord鈥檚 favor upon you and grant you peace!鈥� Thus they shall link My name with the people of Israel, and I will bless them. (Numbers 6:23鈥�27)
It is a beautiful moment in this week鈥檚 parashah: God asks Moses to instruct Aaron and his sons to bless B鈥檔ei Yisrael on God鈥檚 behalf. Not only is the sentiment and poetry of the priestly blessing stirring in and of itself, but given its use in contemporary religious life, it carries even further resonance. In 绿帽社 households across the world, parents offer this blessing to their children as part of their Friday night ritual. In my own experience, I have vivid memories of my grandparents and parents blessing me and my sisters with these words, and I am grateful to have the opportunity to do the same for my children each Shabbat. Those few precious moments鈥攚here my husband and I get to hold each of our kids, whisper these ancient verses, and kiss them 鈥淪habbat shalom鈥濃�攈ave become a sacred occasion in our home. I鈥檝e repeated these phrases now over many weeks and years and, at times, with little thought to the meaning behind the words. A closer reading of the text, though, has affirmed for me some essential parenting lessons.
It goes without saying鈥攑arenting is challenging work. Given the chaos of our day to day and, especially, the additional difficulties this year has posed, we are not always our best selves. We can get frustrated and short-tempered, and when homework isn鈥檛 done and siblings are arguing, it can be hard to remember our children鈥檚 better qualities. The priestly blessing on Friday night can serve as a necessary reset: we are messengers of God鈥檚 blessings, but the blessings we bestow are entirely God鈥檚. As Jacob Milgrom notes in his commentary on the book of Numbers, the wording of our passage underscores the priests鈥� role in blessing B鈥檔ei Yisrael. 鈥淭he blessing issues solely from [God]; the priests鈥� function is to channel it.鈥� In this way, parents are reminded鈥攅ach week鈥攖hat, despite the difficulties and frustrations, our children are sources of blessing and imbued with godliness, and parents are partners with God in the growth and development of their unique gifts.
And while the words are the same, the blessing is to be given to each child individually, 鈥�al pi darko,鈥� according to their own individual path (Proverbs 22:6). Although given from Aaron and his sons to all of B鈥檔ei Yisrael, the blessing is written in the singular: God blesses you, each individual person. It extends to all, but it is meant to be received as a private communication. Here, too, we are sending our kids a powerful message: you matter, and we see you for who and all you are.
By engaging in this ritual (and in many of our other 绿帽社 observances), we are also supporting our kids鈥� emergent spirituality. In her book The Spiritual Child, Lisa Miller explains that children who have meaningful and robust spiritual lives thrive relative to their peers: they are more optimistic, happier, flexible, and are better equipped to handle life鈥檚 inevitable twists and turns. Miller is unequivocal about a parent鈥檚 role in this; parents, she contends, are 鈥渁mbassador(s) of transcendence, the guide(s) on the ground who introduce a child to the spiritually attuned life鈥� (p. 90). While recognizing that children鈥檚 spiritual development can happen outside religion and often does, it regularly occurs through shared religious practice. This Friday night ritual, then, can be a powerful instrument in our parenting toolbox, a weekly opportunity to foster our children鈥檚 spiritual connections and an intimate reminder of God鈥檚 presence in the world.
What an honor and a responsibility it is to offer blessing on God鈥檚 behalf.
The publication and distribution of the JTS Commentary are made possible by a generous grant from Rita Dee (锄鈥漧) and Harold Hassenfeld (锄鈥漧).
